Open Back
How do I open myself back up emotionally?
Not until my early twenty's did I understand that my Mom was schizophrenic, but as a child I was always emotionally attacked by her because of it. It seemed to be fun for her so I instinctively closed off to save myself, and now that I'm older and mentally understand that its safe I can't seem to just open back up like just walking out of a prison cell. Any advice or similar experience would be of great help! Thanks
Wow, it sounds like you had a pretty tough childhood. Your Mom is supposed to be the one that loves you unconditionally, goes into battle to protect you and of course, gives you plenty of support and kisses to boot! But this is obviously not your experience. It is a huge step for you to open yourself up and be so vulnerable to another human being after the betrayal of your mother, especially at such a young and critical age in your development. Is it a matter of whether you want to open yourself up but don't know how or whether you just find it difficult to but know how to. If you know how you just have to take the plunge (if you decide to) and dive in to relationships with people. If you just don't know how to, you might need to learn how to appropriately encourage open and trusting relationships with people. This is generally something we are taught from our parents at a young age. You may need to seek professional help to guide you into establishing (safely) these relationships. You could work through this with a counsellor and trial it on a step by step basis out in the real world. My mother is/was a very difficult person, she always picked on me as a child (judged me) and I tend to stay away from most people as a result. I have maybe two friends, at the moment and always feel that they could turn on me (lack of trust because in my mind if my mother can be mean to me then anyone can be - right????) I trust my husband (of 18 years) implicitly though and have a very solid relationship with him. It's a tough one, I hope it all works out for you.. You deserve to have happy relationships... Good luck.
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Filed under Medical Equipment by on Oct 18th, 2010. 
